Thoughts are guests in our mind

[00:00:00] Hi sleepy, just a very quick note before we start today's episode.

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[00:01:11] Hi, and welcome to Fall asleep with Hendrick.

[00:01:23] I'm Hendrick, and you're sleepy.

[00:01:28] And it is what happens.

[00:01:36] And at least right now there's nothing we can do about it.

[00:01:43] So let's begin.

[00:01:49] High sleepy and welcome to yet another episode of my weird Swedish sounding podcast.

[00:01:57] My name is Hendrick, and I'm here to talk you to sleep.

[00:02:03] And I'm not doing that by any relaxation methods.

[00:02:07] This is a sensation methods or any other imaginary method.

[00:02:16] I'm just using my own voice and my own imagination.

[00:02:20] I'm just speaking.

[00:02:23] For an hour straight without thinking through what I'm going to say.

[00:02:28] And I won't edit anything out.

[00:02:32] I'm just going to talk because that's what I do best.

[00:02:37] Even though my English is not my first choice of languages.

[00:02:44] My first choice in the language family is actually Swedish,

[00:02:50] because that's where I'm from.

[00:02:53] And that's where I live.

[00:02:54] And I am currently sitting in my studio in my garden.

[00:03:05] In my garden.

[00:03:08] And as in every garden in Sweden, there are oranges and

[00:03:15] tulips and pineapples hanging from the trees.

[00:03:20] Right and ready to be picked and plucked.

[00:03:25] That was a joke.

[00:03:29] And that might have been the most funny thing you will ever hear in this episode.

[00:03:34] I don't know though it could be like that I'm accidentally hilarious in a few moments.

[00:03:45] So don't have any plan as to what I'm going to talk about.

[00:03:49] I don't have any idea actually about what I'm going to talk in.

[00:03:59] Which sub domain I will indulge myself today in the Swedish version of this podcast called

[00:04:08] Somname Henrik, which means fall asleep with Henrik in Swedish.

[00:04:13] I've been doing this since 2018 and it's actually my only income.

[00:04:20] Believe it or not, I make a living and I make a living.

[00:04:27] Loving people to sleep without lolling them in any later all the way.

[00:04:35] So I'm what I do here is that I tell stories and improvise and just say stuff that enters my mind for some reason.

[00:04:51] Often it becomes.

[00:04:55] Stories about me in my life, but also sometimes stories that doesn't have anything to do with me or.

[00:05:04] The world around me, it can be literally anything.

[00:05:11] So today I thought why don't I just tell you a story because I've been talking so much about me in my personal life

[00:05:18] for a few episodes now and I thought that it might be an order to just.

[00:05:26] Fantastic the living crap audio.

[00:05:32] So before I start this story which I haven't come up with yet, I wanted to thank those of you who.

[00:05:41] Comment and give reviews on the.

[00:05:45] I've a very interesting perspective platform that you listen to this podcast on and by because it really helps the podcast grow, and it really helps my.

[00:05:56] I have said, this.

[00:06:03] I've served goal of 1 million listeners within a year and I have approximately eight

[00:06:10] months left and it doesn't look so very promising yet.

[00:06:18] So far, I think I'm up to maybe a thousand recurring sleepies but I would really love them

[00:06:25] to be more.

[00:06:26] I would really love you to be.

[00:06:29] I would really love it to be more of you.

[00:06:33] I would really love you to be in greater numbers and that's not just because I love great

[00:06:44] numbers, just overall.

[00:06:47] It's because I would like this hour to pay off and I would like this little club which

[00:06:57] I'm getting the feeling that it's, I think this could be a great club.

[00:07:06] The insomniac club if you will, the sleepies in Sweden, this podcast has this big

[00:07:16] following and this group of sleepies and we're all having a blast, let me tell you, it's

[00:07:26] a Facebook group and the discussions there is actually one of my most active social platforms.

[00:07:35] I thought Facebook was like this dead, barren place where you know content went to die but

[00:07:45] as it turns out Facebook groups are really active and vigilant and I really love that

[00:07:56] part of my podcast in Swedish.

[00:08:03] So with that said, thank you for leaving a review and sharing my content, my episodes

[00:08:11] in your own social media and for telling your friends about it.

[00:08:17] It's actually the only thing that gets this podcast growing, makes this podcast growing.

[00:08:26] May God today I'm not very good at English, makes this podcast grow, gives this podcast

[00:08:37] it's growth projectile.

[00:08:41] No growth, growth would present tile.

[00:08:46] Okay so yeah so you don't need to listen to this, you can just press play and I won't be

[00:08:58] offended if you just drift off quite the opposite actually.

[00:09:04] Sometimes people ask me if I feel hurt by the fact that so many listeners just drift off

[00:09:14] and never really listen to, I mean at least not in an active way listening to the later

[00:09:23] part of my episodes.

[00:09:24] And I always answer the same thing I consider it an honor truly an honor to be the

[00:09:35] one who you feel confident enough to let me be the one who talks you to sleep.

[00:09:42] I mean it's such an honor and it's still very weird to think of me as this calming,

[00:09:53] soothing person because believe me when I hang out with myself which I do frequently.

[00:10:03] I'm not very soothing, I'm not very reassuring, comforting person.

[00:10:10] I am this weird broken man.

[00:10:17] No I'm kidding but then again I'm not kidding.

[00:10:24] I'm a laberant as any human on mother earth.

[00:10:32] I wonder sleep, have you ever considered yourself a laberant?

[00:10:39] Have you ever looked at yourself and thought about yourself your own personality and

[00:10:45] shortcomings and victories as part of this vast unforgiving laberant that anyone who gets

[00:10:54] to know you needs to learn to navigate somehow?

[00:10:59] That's how I feel about me and also with my own peers, the people around me.

[00:11:08] Because I am not just this voice in your ear at this moment.

[00:11:13] I'm not this weird little Swedish gnome gnome babbling about just to make you feel safe

[00:11:23] and sleepy.

[00:11:26] I am actually a person that has, well first of all I breathe and I have a heartbeat,

[00:11:34] I have a pulse which makes me, I guess you can count me into the numbers of the living.

[00:11:44] So I'm not undead and I am not a ghost and I am not unreal.

[00:11:49] So at least not as far as I know that again who really knows what is real in what

[00:11:55] isn't.

[00:11:56] I'm not saying that to provoke or just scare you by the way.

[00:12:00] I'm just playing with words and with my own mind but it's hard to navigate even your

[00:12:14] own laberant.

[00:12:18] I mean sometimes it's hard even to know if you are actually in your own laberant

[00:12:23] or if you are currently in someone else's.

[00:12:28] Sometimes laberants are getting put together and they build like this whole separate

[00:12:39] made up laberant which we navigate without even asking why your thoughts that you think

[00:12:48] maybe belong to you that somehow says something about you is really actually a part of

[00:12:55] you know something grander than you a system and that work of sorts made up by society

[00:13:04] and other people and it's just very tales and you are not your thoughts, you're not your

[00:13:12] mind, you're something else completely and the illusion of us being our own thoughts

[00:13:21] and our own viewpoints is like telling me that you are actually your nails, you know.

[00:13:31] If you look at your nails you wouldn't say that they are you like in total.

[00:13:40] If someone asks you can you show us yourself you never point at your nails and says

[00:13:48] this is me, this is a whole of me, all of me. Maybe you pointed at your heart or something

[00:13:58] but even that isn't it isn't correct it's this is a fascinating thought and I could delve

[00:14:10] deeper into this and I won't because it'll be embarrassingly clear that I don't know

[00:14:19] and I don't know anything about what the words that I throw around but I think it's an interesting

[00:14:30] concept that we are not our thoughts, that our thoughts actually come to us from sources from beyond

[00:14:39] our rim, like thoughts are guests in our mind and the thing we do which often really puts us off

[00:14:50] is thinking totally wrong that these thoughts are some some fragment of us, some

[00:15:08] thoughts are that the thoughts actually are us prove that what kind of a person we are

[00:15:19] and thoughts are not bad thoughts are guests in our home and I mean guests are

[00:15:30] almost often a good thing but they can also be a bad thing and I think that treating your

[00:15:37] thoughts as guests that visit you from time to time is a much better way of treating and handling

[00:15:46] your own thoughts than to just think of them as absolute truths within you, you know,

[00:15:52] you can just think of your disturbing thought that pops up in your head that oh my god

[00:15:59] this guest isn't very welcome at this moment but you can't then because you have to be polite

[00:16:04] so you just can't throw them out because that's not done, you know? So but if you just consider

[00:16:12] this thought being this unwelcome guest who needs to just pass through your domain for a while

[00:16:20] you can just watch it do what it wants, do what it's supposed to do or whatever it's

[00:16:26] or just are this craving and then you can just open the back door for it and let it pass, you know

[00:16:37] but this is a story about a labreenth and this old city and in this ancient old city there is

[00:16:51] this amusement park and it's been forgotten for ages and ages and it's just it's really the

[00:17:02] remnants of an amusement park and the center there's this huge carousel with all wooden horses,

[00:17:13] you know that old kind which often occurs in horror movies I don't I really don't know why

[00:17:20] these old amusement parks are such common playgrounds for horror movies, is it because there's

[00:17:29] this childish theme and there's a contrast between stuff that children are drawn to and horror

[00:17:38] because there is seldom you meet a horrific child or I mean I don't know maybe you do

[00:17:46] when I was about 14 years old I got wrestled to the ground by an infant it's true it's actually true

[00:17:57] the infant was well it was it was a baby really but he or she I I can't remember

[00:18:06] the gender of this particular human being and it shouldn't matter anyway so I don't know why

[00:18:12] I get tangled up in that thing but that again I need to be you know I need to tell you the whole

[00:18:20] story so I was at this in Sweden we call it Fika which is you know you have a bun and you would

[00:18:29] drink coffee and it's a huge for tourists since Sweden to try a Swedish Fika so it's a cinnamon bun

[00:18:36] and a cup of coffee really or tea and milk if you're a kid or some lemonade week lemonade

[00:18:47] and this was after church it wasn't my I was brought up in the Catholic church but this wasn't

[00:18:56] this wasn't the Catholic church this was some I don't know if you have an English word for it

[00:19:03] it was this part of the Lutheran church which is called the mission the mission church

[00:19:13] the missionary church or whatever and no it doesn't have anything to do with the word missionary

[00:19:19] you know it's it's a totally legit way of a part branch of the Lutheran leaf system

[00:19:32] so but still not like this city church it was just this small branch and I was a scout

[00:19:43] and I was a scout at this particular part of the church so I was there and I was having Fika

[00:19:51] after the some service or I don't know and there was a lot of people in the actual church

[00:19:59] hall you know I mean in the in the actual praying place beneath the crucifix at the end

[00:20:08] and we were having buns and coffee and lemonade and milk or whatever and I was sitting just

[00:20:17] below the beneath the altar and for me growing up in the Catholic church that was a big no no you can't

[00:20:25] actually sit and eat stuff like randomly beneath the altar that this is a sacred place you shouldn't

[00:20:31] do that but in this church in this branch of the church that was totally okay and I thought

[00:20:37] it was very nice because I mean cinnamon buns are really good and why not do it in church as well

[00:20:46] so I sat there and I was having at it and then I felt this small tap on my shoulder and I turned around

[00:20:55] and then there was this kid maybe one one and a half years old and it was really

[00:21:06] snaughty you know the snaught was like pouring from its nose down over its mouth like for most

[00:21:14] infants they don't they can't help it but this kid had had its eye on on me it had decided to

[00:21:24] attack me so I think it crawled over to me and then used me as a way of getting up standing on two legs

[00:21:34] and then it took its little nails which was very long and very sharp not very not very trimmed

[00:21:44] maybe I remember when my daughter was a baby it was very hard to trim her little nails because

[00:21:50] there's so soft and fragile and and John just one you know spasm and you cut the little

[00:22:02] soft baby finger and it was hard to make her still to be able to do that so this kid had

[00:22:12] very long nails and to begin with it just laid all its weight on me and I was at these stairs

[00:22:21] small stairs from the area around the altar you know the area around the altar in a church is

[00:22:27] you know it's sort of a platform slightly higher than the actual church floor

[00:22:36] to elevate the altar I guess it's almost like a stage of sorts and so I just said hi

[00:22:47] because I thought I was a cute kid you know and the kid you know with a snoth came very close

[00:22:53] and I draw a back and then the kid put all its weight on me so I fell down

[00:22:59] the little stair sitting down with my back on the floor and the kid just followed

[00:23:08] and clawed his way its way with the nails in my face it scratched my face with its dirty filthy

[00:23:20] yellowish baby nails and laughed my face and I couldn't do anything because it was I mean

[00:23:29] because it was a baby you know you don't wrestle an infant to the ground unless you're

[00:23:35] mentally ill and at least at the time I wasn't mentally ill or at least I didn't

[00:23:39] consider myself being that type of person who wrestles infants to the ground so I

[00:23:47] refrained from doing that I froze I guess you could say that I froze because I thought that maybe

[00:23:59] there's this parent coming to take care of this but there was no no one did anything

[00:24:06] my friends just looked at it and thought it was amusing I guess because who gets wrestled to the

[00:24:11] ground by this kid 30 years younger than you when you were 13 14 yourself so by now I had blood

[00:24:25] coming from my cheeks and my forehead because this kid had really scratched me like hard

[00:24:33] and then the kid started eating me like with its little fists and it wasn't so much the actual hurt

[00:24:42] because as I mentioned the kid was like one and a half years old so it wasn't much power behind

[00:24:48] the beating it was more the humiliating feeling that I'm being beating beaten like

[00:24:59] it's a really it's a really awkward situation you know why just until just rise up and just

[00:25:06] take the kid and lift him away you know but I couldn't because I was scared that I was going to

[00:25:13] hurt the child for some for some reason so I just laid there and waited for the child's

[00:25:22] supposed parent come and rescue me but no one came and eventually after beating on me for a while

[00:25:30] as the after raining blows upon me for some hateful spiteful unknown reason a child just

[00:25:41] crawled away to find another victim or its parent I don't know so that's what happened to me and

[00:25:51] I'm here today to tell you to if this happens to you then don't fall down this minimal wooden

[00:25:59] stair beneath the altar and if this child is starting to rip your face apart with its supernatural

[00:26:12] baby nails then just please just make it stop by using the least force necessary without you know

[00:26:24] without enforcing too much violence into it just lift the child and put it somewhere else you know

[00:26:34] that's my message to you I have traveled here from the future to tell you that this is actually

[00:26:44] okay if you're being beaten beaten by an infant you can remove the infant from your body without

[00:26:52] hurting it it doesn't mean that you're hurting the child to just lift it away from you you know it's okay

[00:27:00] so I don't know why they use kids as this example of horror I mean kids stuff

[00:27:13] why are nursery rhymes for instance this common theme in horror movies I don't I don't know

[00:27:19] is it because childhood is generally not considered horrific or is it something that a child is supposed

[00:27:27] to be weak and innocent and good-hearted because believe me this kid wasn't good-hearted it was

[00:27:36] this was an evil child and it was out to get me like but I guess the entertainment for the

[00:27:46] child went down a few pegs because I didn't do any resistance I didn't put up any resistance

[00:27:59] anyhow in this citizen there there's this old huge carousel and wooden horses are really old

[00:28:12] and they are carved and adorned with enigmatic symbols and no one ever goes there it's always

[00:28:28] this constant stillness and I guess it's the contrast that really makes this type of place

[00:28:38] alluring you know I just talking about it makes my tears just rise in in my eyes because

[00:28:48] I get excited it's a very fascinating thing because the contrasts between the carousels

[00:28:55] and the movement and the crowds and sounds which used to be there which used to belong there

[00:29:02] are now gone and there's this just perfect stillness in this perpetual autumn at this place

[00:29:17] and there's just this one man who goes there because he's the only one who really

[00:29:24] can really find it and his name is Elio Elio he's name is Elio

[00:29:34] because when he was he was a kid and he was getting baptized the priest asked what

[00:29:40] would name have you given your child and the parents were about to ask the answer and of course

[00:29:46] they were gonna name the child Elio but the priest's phone rang he had forgotten to turn it off

[00:29:59] so the priest's phone rang in the middle of the name and it was the priest's old flame from

[00:30:07] high school or whatever so it was a very infected poisonous toxic discussion about who did what

[00:30:15] you know and this was like 20 years ago so the priest really should just let this thing go

[00:30:20] but this priest his name was Kurt Cobain sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

[00:30:30] okay so I guess I should use this opportunity to take this opportunity to say that whenever I

[00:30:37] mention names sometimes names pop up that are familiar to me so this wasn't a pun or anything

[00:30:46] aimed at anything regarded through the actual Kurt Cobain now this priest just got the name

[00:30:54] Kurt Cobain and well it's within his right to be called that in my imagination I just wanted

[00:31:02] to let you know that there's no subtext here there's no hidden message or hidden meaning I don't

[00:31:09] do that so the priest's name was Kurt Cobain and he had this very toxic conversation for a

[00:31:17] few hours with this girlfriend and meanwhile Eliot's parents just waited for him to finish so

[00:31:25] that they could continue the baptism and when he hung up or she hung up on him the priest

[00:31:33] he was just you know okay so what did you say that the kid's name was all right Elyo

[00:31:39] because that's all I had time for before he answered the phone so then his name is boy's name

[00:31:46] became Eliot because as you know this is like common unknown whenever a priest says something

[00:31:55] that's you know you can't change that because then you have to pay a fine and you have to

[00:32:01] call the Pope and you have to visit the Pope in his home in New Hampshire and you have to go to his

[00:32:07] apartment to his flat and you have to go up a few stairs and then you have to knock this secret knock

[00:32:13] and then he have to let you in and then you have to do the ceremonies and you have to stand on

[00:32:18] one leg and you have to jump and you have to stop stop for a while and stare into nothingness

[00:32:25] and just and then just randomly put anything up your nose you know so I mean it's not worth it

[00:32:35] really because it's really up to the Pope how long he can just keep this going for weeks and years

[00:32:41] even so Eliot became his name and he was a guy who draws maps but he didn't drew maps like

[00:32:57] he drew city maps but he didn't he never drew them as you know as they as they were a physical

[00:33:08] layout he drew the maps of the cities that he visited by the emotions that every city evoked in him

[00:33:22] so he'd been wandering the earth looking for the perfect feeling and he stumbled upon this

[00:33:31] ruin city with this abandoned amusement park in the middle with the wooden horses with a

[00:33:39] range symbols and he had been coming here for a few weeks now and he stood before the carousel

[00:33:50] and he watched it very carefully and he tried to interpret what the symbols meant but he couldn't

[00:33:58] he couldn't place them they didn't look like any written language known to him

[00:34:07] throughout history and he knew a lot about old scriptures old ways of writing it was always

[00:34:21] night at this amusement park as well and this was a weird thing because normally unless you're

[00:34:28] living way up north for half the year by up north you can get this perpetual night but

[00:34:37] then again the other half of the year or for like two or three months there are perpetual day

[00:34:45] up north so but this was different so this was like night all the time and it wasn't the

[00:34:53] scary night it wasn't this weird enigmatic horror situation it was just night when I was a child

[00:35:08] read a lot of books by this finish author called Puvianson she

[00:35:19] written about the movements if you know if that ringing a bell and she had written some

[00:35:31] passage in one of the books that at night the horror becomes more much more horrifying than it

[00:35:38] actually is and that resonated with me so well I was this very frightened kid when I was a child

[00:35:50] I was afraid of the dark I was really afraid of the dark growing up and I guess I was like 10 or 11

[00:36:00] when I finally decided I should stop and I remember this as being a liberating thing I remember that I

[00:36:10] also had this I had this great anxiety around making a decision so because I felt bad for the

[00:36:24] other decision so to speak so I was going to sleep and normally my door would be half open

[00:36:33] and the light would be on on the in the room on the outside but then I guess some of my one of my

[00:36:41] parents had told me that you really should just try and grow out of that fear thing and this created

[00:36:49] this conflict in my brain where I'm supposed to be this brave boy who just falls asleep without the

[00:36:56] light on and then there was this other side who just no I'm not ready I'm scared you know so

[00:37:04] I couldn't so I just rushed up and down like a maniac opening the door turning off the

[00:37:11] light turning on the light is closing the door trying like excessively and my parents I guess

[00:37:19] after a while they just got tired of me and they went to bed so I was alone in my room and

[00:37:26] I had they had left it up to me to decide whether or not to have the light on or the door open or whatever

[00:37:34] and then I was on my back and the oh I don't remember if I was on my back this is like

[00:37:40] 39 years old 39 years ago 40 years ago so I was suddenly I just I just came fed up you know

[00:37:56] with myself and with my fear so I just stood up in the dark and I went to out to the kitchen

[00:38:05] which was outside my bedroom door and I turned off the light in the kitchen and then I

[00:38:16] stood I stood in my door in my doorway to my room and I said out in the dark kitchen

[00:38:23] I don't care coming get me I don't care just freaking coming get me and then I just I don't

[00:38:32] remember if I shot the door to my room or if I left it open out into the dark but then I just went

[00:38:39] to bed and fell asleep and I haven't ever been afraid of the dark sense and that's I think

[00:38:47] it's a cool story because that's the only thing the only situation in my life where this type of

[00:38:56] approach to fear has worked because otherwise whenever I had have invited fear it has been staggered

[00:39:09] you know like to prove to me that I'm not strong enough to deal with it but at this time in

[00:39:16] this particular situation fear became this obedient dog and since then I haven't ever been afraid

[00:39:25] of the dark and I think that's cool I would love to implement this on other areas of other stuff

[00:39:34] that I fear I would love to implement this method this result into for instance my overly active

[00:39:50] fear of becoming bankrupt or maybe to be hated by society and people around me and the fail I mean

[00:40:04] that would be great but it doesn't work it's too subtle you know it's too subtle it's too subtle

[00:40:12] of a force it's not like being afraid of the dark that's very easy to understand and see into

[00:40:22] visualize I'm afraid when it's dark I guess I could use this on like if I was afraid of if

[00:40:31] I were afraid of spiders well maybe I could use it on spiders and I have used it in a way

[00:40:38] because I used to be really scared of flying and then I just got fed up with that because I had to

[00:40:46] fly like this was like 2017 I had to fly like the mistake quite a lot because I was doing this

[00:40:57] role in a film and I had to fly back and forth many times during this year and then I just couldn't

[00:41:06] deal with it you know all the fear I just got fed up with it so maybe I have used this on other stuff

[00:41:14] and just fear of the dark anyway Leo hadn't dared enter the carousel but this particular

[00:41:26] night it was always night but at this particular night he stepped onto the carousel and of course

[00:41:35] I mean as you can imagine the carousel all almost immediately just sprung to life and the world around

[00:41:46] him again to distort of course because it's a story and he's on a carousel what do you expect

[00:41:54] I don't really know why horses in this roundabout would be considered entertaining for people living

[00:42:07] in the 19th and early 20th century why would this type of swirling movement be considered

[00:42:20] entertaining wouldn't it be more fun to just you know having someone dressed up as a monster and just

[00:42:25] chasing people I mean that would be more accelerating than to sit on this wooden horse going round

[00:42:31] and round and round you know to some particular type of clown music yesterday I just needed to tell you

[00:42:42] this yesterday I was with my family at this shopping mall and I mean long story short I hate shopping

[00:42:48] malls and the rest of my family and the extended family went into this shop

[00:42:54] this cloth brand and they just disappeared and I can't be in those types of stores I really

[00:43:03] I get panic attacks when there's too many people and when there's you know sometimes I think

[00:43:11] I would rather die than just spend like one hour in this type of environment so I stood on the

[00:43:20] outside of the shop and I was looking at people and on the other hand on the other on the

[00:43:25] opposite side from me on the other side of the small square so to speak there was this

[00:43:32] store which was called glow up station so you could go there and put makeup on I guess I don't know

[00:43:40] and I thought that it said clown station and for a while I was so confused because why would you

[00:43:50] ever need a clown station in this super mall you know what good does a clown station do

[00:44:00] but then again than I thought to myself well what good does a clown station doesn't do

[00:44:07] what good does a clown station don't do well nothing you know why wouldn't you want to have a

[00:44:15] clown station like anywhere I want the clown station in almost every room of my house and

[00:44:25] I mean it would be great to have I mean public clown stations that you can just be a clown you know

[00:44:32] or you can just rent a clown now that it's not that doesn't rhyme I believe that clown station is

[00:44:42] a place where you can go and be a clown for a while and I'm not talking about this I mean it's

[00:44:50] some sort of it's almost at a little where you call it when you don't think something is

[00:45:01] quite cool we look at clowns as sort of lesser beings in a way at least us grown up so we think

[00:45:12] that clowns is I mean it's a sinnalum to being like stupid and goofy and unworthy of coolness you

[00:45:23] know but being a clown is not that being a clown is being curious in open and being

[00:45:32] like a child you know I think being a clown is something truly beautiful and I wish more people

[00:45:41] will reconcile and recognize that because clowns have this weird reputation of being either scary

[00:45:48] or stupid and outdated in the entertainment industry and maybe they are in this sort of

[00:45:58] art comedia del art way but the clown is so much more than that so a clown station would be this

[00:46:10] really cool thing so if you're into this anthropomorphiness of any sort you can please just

[00:46:17] steal my idea and create clown stations in your local shopping mall please do so as LEO stepped on

[00:46:29] the carousel it's just sprung to life and the world around him again to float this door and for

[00:46:41] every rotation he got he got transported to like alternate versions of this particular city that

[00:46:52] I was in so one was almost like the one he was in this eternal night but in this

[00:47:04] particular version of the town there were shadow, shadow beings you know like this it was

[00:47:13] less this you know echoes of the old city now the shadows are the people who used to live there

[00:47:21] who just walked about another version was the city but the city was submerged under water with

[00:47:33] streets of like glowing bioluminescent you can you say that bioluminescent bioluminescent

[00:47:48] flowers and herbs and sheets just floating around and in one version the time just flew

[00:47:59] backwards and so that the past and the future collided in great patterns and very imaginative

[00:48:13] firework kind of patterns so as you can imagine sleepy the the carousel itself was a gateway between

[00:48:25] all sorts of realities all sorts of universes and everyone was in our eyes or in LEO's eyes at

[00:48:35] least they were surreal but the very worrying part is was to LEO that the boundaries between all

[00:48:54] different universes and different worlds were eroding so they started to spill into each other like

[00:49:04] when you mix two types of liquids at first their respective density keeps them apart but

[00:49:12] eventually when they start to dissolve they just you know leak into each other so you could see fish

[00:49:29] swimming in the air you could see buildings that were constructed by whispers and rain that fell

[00:49:39] upwards and then he could hear this voice it this voice that was very alluring what is an alluring voice

[00:49:50] is my voice alluring alluring does my voice have a lure to it that's not what I'm aiming for

[00:50:03] but I've been told that my voice is soothing I don't know why that is because I'm not putting any effort

[00:50:09] into being as specifically soothing that's enough not what I'm trying to do this is how I

[00:50:16] sound all the time okay so I'm not using any voices or any theatrics you know but

[00:50:27] other than that this is just me talking but I've been told from time to time that my voice is

[00:50:36] soothing has a soothing quality to it and I guess there's nothing else to say but thank you

[00:50:47] many people jokingly ask me if people always fall asleep around me and that's just not true

[00:50:55] and to be honest I don't even think that's even remote before me because I mean would you

[00:51:02] ask a doctor if anyone who gets near it it gets well or ill or whatever you want to put it

[00:51:14] or do you ask a taxi driver if anyone who gets near them or being taken somewhere or I mean

[00:51:24] it's just stupid so it's not magic what I'm doing I'm not using any spell or anything like that

[00:51:39] because I don't believe there actually is a way to just magically put people to sleep unless you're

[00:51:45] using drugs and I mean I guess it's a there's a time for using artificial inducement as well

[00:51:57] but it's I guess the only methodology I can claim as my own not that I'm alone in doing that

[00:52:08] is that I believe in the power of distraction I guess so if I talk and I do a lot of say a lot

[00:52:17] of stupid stuff or say something that is similar to funny or just apple away like I do right now

[00:52:28] talking about a carousel who is a portal between different universes then you will eventually

[00:52:35] start to think about something else and you will drift away and then all of a sudden you will

[00:52:40] fall asleep and if you don't then well maybe you don't need to you know maybe you don't have

[00:52:49] to sleep tonight it's also a way of saying yes to the world and to accept that what happens happens

[00:52:58] you know right now in your life right now in your world in your dreams in your thoughts in your

[00:53:07] mind in between each of your breaths you can't sleep so that's just it you know you just

[00:53:21] can't really do anything about it and you absolutely can't force yourself to fall asleep it's

[00:53:27] impossible because you have to give up and that's what we do when we fall asleep we just give up

[00:53:34] and that's why it's so freaking awesome to fall asleep because even up is awesome you know

[00:53:43] and I'm not talking about giving up your dream or giving up your aspirations

[00:53:50] even up your loved one I'm talking about giving up like everything that's falling asleep and

[00:54:00] that's why sleep is so beautiful because we just unload you know we take off our heavy stuff

[00:54:08] and we put it on a shelf because there's always tomorrow you know and we can keep carrying it

[00:54:14] tomorrow we really need or at least I should say I don't want to say we really need because that

[00:54:25] sounds like it's very stressful you really need to sleep of course sleep is important

[00:54:30] and if you don't sleep then you will be sick you know but never mind you know

[00:54:37] never mind that right now because you can't do anything about it at this very moment

[00:54:42] so you have a bad night sleep maybe you had a few nights of bad sleep

[00:54:48] shit happens you know so what are you gonna do just try and love yourself you know just try and

[00:54:58] like what you're doing what you're up to and if that's hard for you maybe try and find this

[00:55:06] one little thing that you like about you and or in your life and then you're learning voice

[00:55:14] just swung two words Leo and he was joined by this mystery sea horse called Seraphine

[00:55:26] black police mad gramps who was well she was she had her own totally different story

[00:55:34] which I'm not gonna get into right now because it's just too complicated and too many levels

[00:55:39] in this story now I can't keep up with all the stuff that's there so together the sea horse and

[00:55:48] Leo the sea horse which name whose name was Seraphine they was you know navigating between

[00:55:56] shifting realities and universes to find a way back to their respective original world if you

[00:56:13] spoiler now because the episode is almost over so I'm going to get to the conclusion so if you don't

[00:56:19] want to if you don't want the spoilers then you just have to you know skip ahead like for the rest of

[00:56:26] the episode because this just four minutes left so I need to just wrap it up here the uh or I mean

[00:56:38] it's okay if I spoil this one because there's there's not actually a story so there's nothing to spoil

[00:56:47] you know this would have been a spoiling moment if I actually had a story which will represent

[00:56:56] some plays as else which I'm referring to then you could have just said no I don't want to

[00:57:03] to spoil this very exciting episode but there's nothing so the carousel was actually this

[00:57:16] that it was powered by the collective dreams and fears of the shadows which I mentioned in the

[00:57:24] beginning the shadow world which is the cities inhabitants like echoes of them so the dreams and

[00:57:34] fears fears of these old collective at lived in the city fueled the carousel and the carousel had just

[00:57:46] lost its balance which you can do you know you can lose your balance but that doesn't mean you

[00:57:54] can't regain it you can't always regain your balance even if you're laying down you can still

[00:58:03] regain your balance and you will regain your balance I don't know you sleepy but I know this

[00:58:13] that you will regain your balance if you've lost it and the carousel with a help of

[00:58:25] alio and seraphine eventually regained its balance and it was a beautiful thing to see the

[00:58:32] universe is just close up and go back to their own original spheres because as you know

[00:58:41] the multiverse is a very it's a very ordered place although we from a distance it can appear

[00:58:47] to be chaotic but it's not it's a very very ordered very stringent place where you can just

[00:58:58] rely on the fact that universe is normally don't spill into each other like this but I don't know if

[00:59:06] the carousel had just kept accelerating the turning around its own axis then yeah maybe the world

[00:59:15] with a in a different place but that didn't happen and asked for the carousel it now spins in the

[00:59:24] perfect pace and always back all this back to normal and I don't know what the story was all

[00:59:36] about I guess I wish in a way that normality will prevail that in this spinning world that we live in

[01:00:00] in line with each other it's a riddle to think about how much information we have

[01:00:10] everyone of us actually have like this huge vast networks of pure knowledge at our disposal

[01:00:21] but still we live in a very populistic populistic narrow-minded world at the moment

[01:00:32] and I don't know whether or not this is an illusion or something actually true but it bothers me a lot

[01:00:41] because I think you would think that having access to all that all this type of different

[01:00:47] information would make us wiser but I guess it doesn't and that troubles me sleepy it does because

[01:00:58] I would really love us to be wise together and I think that we can still be wise together

[01:01:05] but I think it takes some what of an effort from each and every one of us and I'm not talking

[01:01:12] about effort like as in don't don't go out telling the world that you will never use an airplane again

[01:01:24] I'm not talking about that kind of action even though everyone should do all that's deemed necessary

[01:01:30] of course but I mean the biggest work we can do as individuals is to remain awake you know

[01:01:44] and to gain as much information as possible without losing our sense of love and compassion

[01:02:02] hope you're sleeping now because this was a whole horse show horse shit show

[01:02:09] okay episode is over thank you for listening good night