The Quantum Conundrum of Siegfried and Roy

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[00:01:20] Hi and welcome to Fall Asleep with Henrik. I'm Henrik. And you are sleepy. And it is what it is. What happens, happens. And right now there is nothing we can do. About any of it. So let's go. Well hi, sleepy. It's me. Again.

[00:01:58] I'm going to be your weird little Swedish friend in the night. I want to start with telling you that you don't have to listen to this. You just need to know that you've done your part. You press play. And now all you have to do is dream.

[00:02:24] So if you want to, you can listen. I try to be interesting and appealing. But I won't succeed all the way because I don't prepare. I haven't written anything down. English is my second language. And we'll see how it goes.

[00:02:54] So today I'm going to talk for an hour, about an hour. And if you fall asleep and wake up again within this hour, then you can rest assured that I will be here. I will still talk.

[00:03:14] I will talk to you until the tape runs out and you'll have to put on another episode. So some people listen to this podcast for the whole episode. And some fall asleep instantly.

[00:03:36] This is the English variant of the Swedish podcast Somna med Henrik, which means fall asleep with Henrik. I've been doing this since 2018. So I know what I'm doing. He said not knowing anything about what he was doing. So I'm not going to hypnotize you.

[00:04:02] I'm not going to make you feel and do anything. I'm just going to talk like a friend. I mean, if you would want to see me that way. I'm a friend and I talk. That's what I do.

[00:04:26] And I'm a very talkative and charming person that just does this for a living. And you like me, of course. Otherwise, you wouldn't want me talking you to sleep. Now, this is, of course, my dream scenario. With that said, you can feel whatever you feel.

[00:04:52] You could think whatever you think. You don't have to take part in this. You don't have to like me or have an opinion about me. There's so much content that demands something of you. Like the craving. I crave for you to like my content.

[00:05:26] I don't really have an opinion about what you should think or feel. Of course, I would love for you to love this. I would love for you to want to use my words and my imagination each and every time you go to sleep.

[00:05:46] But I am well aware that that's my dream. And that doesn't have anything to do with you or your life or your preferences. I don't know you. And you don't know me, really, either.

[00:06:04] But I'm giving you a lot of me since I don't have anyone else to take from. It's just me. In the beginning of this podcast in Sweden, I tried to... In the beginning, I tried to be very boring.

[00:06:35] The first like 10 or 15 episodes, I tried to be boring because that's how I felt at the moment. That boring stuff is what keeps people falling asleep. But it didn't work. Of course, it might have worked for the listeners, but not for me.

[00:06:56] I couldn't concentrate and I couldn't keep striving for the boringness. So right now, I'm not trying to be anything. The only thing I am avoiding is changing my voice too much. I'm not going to suddenly start screaming or acting out something. But I will laugh occasionally.

[00:07:28] And I will clear my throat once in a while. So I'm not going to pretend that this is some sort of sleep hypnosis kind of thingy. So what have you been up to this past week? If you are returning sleepy.

[00:07:57] I hope it's okay that I call you sleepy. I don't really know what else to call you. I think the term dear listener or something like that is... It's so used. But when I was a kid, I was constantly recording myself on old cassette tapes.

[00:08:22] Well, they weren't old at the time. I was born in 1975. July 31st, 1975. So I am 48 years old as of right now. I will soon turn 49. And then the magical 50. I wonder what life will be like when I turn 50. I guess everything will change, right?

[00:08:57] I will finally develop those wings that I've been feeling itching under the skin. Back over at my shoulder blades. Finally they will break through my skin and just throw themselves out there. And they will tell everybody that this guy... Listen everybody, this guy over here.

[00:09:28] He's 50 freaking years old. He knows his way around the world. He knows how to feed a horse. Reverse a car with a... What do you call? An attachment to the car. What's the English term for that?

[00:09:59] I mean if you have a car with a hook in the back. And then you take this cart and you attach it to that hook. What is the term of that wagon behind the car? Tow... Tow... Tow... Tow... Tow... Tow wagon. Tow truck. But without the motor.

[00:10:28] Okay so since I don't know the correct English term for it. I am from now on going to refer to this very special thing as... Ragatrubrola drabriltsriksern. So that you know that this is... So every time I say that word which I've already forgotten.

[00:11:00] Then you know what I mean. What I'm talking about. You can also write to me and tell me the correct term for it. And I will memorize it. I will tattoo that phrase on my skin. So that I will never ever forget it again.

[00:11:21] I will tattoo every English word that I forget and then relearn. So if I get to do this for a while. Then you will see... If you get to see me. You will see that I'm covered in tattoos.

[00:11:47] You can't even tell where one word ends and one word starts. It will just be like this. It will look like ants crawling all over me. But it's not ants, it's tattoos. So you never answered my question. What have you been up to?

[00:12:19] Okay so I can't hear you. So I don't know why I keep doing these kind of games where I ask the listener. Stuff that I can't possibly hear. Because I'm separated from you. As I come back to this again and again. But it's a very fascinating thought.

[00:12:43] That I am connected to you in a way. But in another way. I am in sort of a totally different universe than you are. Because I'm in the past. This voice that you're listening to right now. This voice that you're listening to right now.

[00:13:07] Is a recorded image of my voice. It's a historic event that is being presented as present day to you. At the time when you're listening. If you should have doubts that this is actually present time. It's present time. I'm as present as one can be right now.

[00:13:40] But if you should have doubts about whether or not this is a real time event. Then you could do a little experiment. You could pause this recording. This episode. You could rewind for like two minutes.

[00:14:04] And then you can listen again and then you will hear me say the exact same thing. So then you know that it's not a live event. It's a recording. No, no, of course, no, sorry. You get you. I mean, you have to forward the file for.

[00:14:33] Well, any time, any time length that you want, really. Then you then you'll see that there is stuff coming down the pipeline. If this was alive. You wouldn't be able to do that because the future of the event hasn't happened yet.

[00:14:53] I, on the other hand, I can't play. I can't push. What do you what do you say? I can't forward this. I can't rush things into the future because well, then I would be some sort of a magician. A magician like.

[00:15:23] Oh, what was the names of those guys with the Tigers in Las Vegas? Siegfried and Roy Siegfried and Roy. Do you remember those guys? I don't know. I think one of them got hurt or maybe one of them died. I don't know. I'm sorry.

[00:15:46] I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. One time I accidentally had it was a I got in my brain somehow that Tina Turner was dead and at the time she wasn't. And I said that in the Swedish version of this podcast, I told my listeners that.

[00:16:07] Oh, I wish Tina Turner was alive or something like that. And I got so many emails of people saying. You really scared me. I couldn't sleep all night because I had to Google if Tina Turner was dead and she is not.

[00:16:25] Do your freaking homework, you silly, silly man. And since then, I've been very careful telling whether or not someone is dead or alive. So I did it again and I'm sorry if. So. The the.

[00:16:45] The point of this was, I don't know whether or not Siegfried and Roy is really. Alive. Or dead. I don't know. I don't know. I don't follow their every move every time. Maybe they are a bit like Schrodinger's cat.

[00:17:08] You know, the very famous thought experiment by this guy Schrodinger. So I don't know whether or not he was referring to his own cat. Which if he wasn't, then the name of the thought experiment is misguiding because it's not his cat. It's just a cat in general.

[00:17:30] Maybe the institution. Where he worked was the legit owner of the cat, or maybe it was just a stray cat. And but then again, there wasn't any cat at all. It's just a thought experiment.

[00:17:46] And you probably know this, but it's and I'm not no expert, so I might be. Misinterpreting this. Or lack the correct lingua to just. Tell you about it, but it's.

[00:18:08] The thought experiment is like you have to think of a cat that's locked inside a box and together with a cat inside this box is. Some sort of killing device. Killing device. And this killing device is run by this radioactive material, which can either.

[00:18:33] Fall apart or not fall apart at every any given moment. And. As the radioactive material falls apart, the killing. Device kills the cat, but when if the. Radioactive material is stable, then the cat lives.

[00:18:56] And since no one can look inside the box, we don't know whether or not the cat is dead or alive. And then. In a metaphysical way. A quantum physical way, the cat is both dead and alive at the same time. Maybe that's the case with Siegfried and Roy.

[00:19:24] I really want an answer to this question now, so if you have it, please write to me and tell me. Well anyway, I will Google this when I stop the recording, so by the time you write me, I will know. But I will. I still want to know.

[00:19:43] And. And. Hope that you don't feel that it's morbid of me to just talk about people in this way. Again, I don't know when I had to. I have no preference in the matter like I would prefer. All people being alive, you know. It's a good thing.

[00:20:09] I really like. This thing, whatever it is. Life is is a good. Starting place. Life, I mean it's the least you need, you know.

[00:20:26] Nothing can be done without life, so at least nothing that we know of and that's I'm going to focus on that because it's hard for me to focus on stuff I don't know.

[00:20:40] It's extra hard for me to focus on stuff that I don't know that I don't know. Because of course I could imagine stuff that I know that I don't know.

[00:20:51] For instance, this thing with Siegfried and Roy and being alive and dead at the same time because they are in a way in my brain right now because I don't know whether or not they are alive.

[00:21:04] I know that one of them got attacked by a tiger and was very seriously injured, but I don't know anything more than that. So in my brain they are in a state of both dead and alive at the same time.

[00:21:22] So I can vividly imagine stuff around them and so because I know that I don't know. But imagine the vast space out there with stuff that we don't know that we don't know. I mean that's the really big conundrum of being alive.

[00:21:48] But I'm going to focus on what I know and what I know that I don't know. Because it's like swimming in a pitch black ocean talking about stuff you know that you don't know that you don't know.

[00:22:10] It's like swimming with your eyes shut, blindfolded and with noise cancelling earphones, earbuds, headphones on in a pitch black water. On a planet where the only one alive is you, on a planet that has been cast out of its own solar system.

[00:22:52] I read somewhere that the universe is teeming with these so-called rogue planets. Planets that have been pushed out of their initial solar systems. Maybe their sun got too close to them but not too close so that it would be sucked into the sun.

[00:23:21] The star at the center of the solar system maybe two very big planets collided or their gravitational fields got too close to the planet so the planet just got pushed out. And I mean the speeds with which it's moving must be breathtaking.

[00:23:46] Of course that doesn't really matter in this vast space. But for me this really scratches my brain in a very nice way to think of this pitch black planet with no sun.

[00:24:13] And maybe there is this internal thermal processes still going on at the center so maybe there's life like underground. Maybe there's microbes trying to start more complex life and they don't know that they are on a planet being pushed out from their solar system.

[00:24:38] Just aimlessly wandering through space. It's a sad image but then again it doesn't have anything to do with sadness because a planet as far as we know anyway can't feel sadness. A planet is just a planet.

[00:24:55] A planet is just a sphere, a rock or an assembly of gas or water or ice or other liquids and in most cases a core. A cold core or a warm core.

[00:25:20] And at the same time as this random rogue planet is speeding through space with tiny microbes under its surface that doesn't know that they are on a planet. They don't know where they are and where they're going. No one knows and no one cares.

[00:25:49] And I think it's beautiful and at the same time there's this cell in your body that keeps on doing its job. And it doesn't know that it is in you.

[00:26:06] It doesn't know that it's one of trillions of other cells that together constitute you, the very essence of you. I think it's a beautiful and mind-boggling thought to think about that everything we know is true.

[00:26:30] Everything we know and give meaning to and have a continuous experience of self is built up by very many small building stones that doesn't know that they constitute the very thing that we give meaning.

[00:26:50] So as I sit here and speak there's this cacophony of activity in my body that without it I would not be. I would cease to exist.

[00:27:08] But at the same time the very entities that make up this cacophony they don't even know what it is they're maintaining on a larger scale. They don't know who I am. They don't know what I am. And I think it's beautiful.

[00:27:30] I don't feel scared when I think of these scales and the very thing that gives my life meaning has nothing to do with what my cells are doing, what my lungs are doing, what my heart is doing.

[00:27:48] It's a continuum of me that gives me the sense of meaning, the sense of self. And it's such a...I feel ease when I think of this.

[00:28:06] I feel that I belong to a system that works whether or not...that works even if I don't give it like attention, even if I don't pay any attention. Even if I behave bad or good or whatever I do really with my brain.

[00:28:29] My life will keep being built by these microscopic entities. I can rest. I can rest assured that these non-thinking automatic tiny robots will keep me alive as long as it's possible. And my belief system, my sense of meaning, my ideals, my agendas and ambitions can't change that.

[00:29:15] So I feel small but in a good way. And it connects us to the very phrase that I start with. I start these episodes with it is what it is, what happens happens. And I like the fact that in a way I am a passenger in life.

[00:29:38] I don't mean that we shouldn't do anything about anything. I don't mean that we should just sit back and let stuff happen. There's so many things we can do and there's so many things that we should do.

[00:29:58] But there is also this very big number of things that we can't change. For instance, that we are in this world here. We can't change that. It's what we...it's what is. And every one of us has this own bubble of the universe that is ours.

[00:30:26] And we can't get into another bubble. We can't choose how it all began. We can somewhat influence the outcomes depending on whether or not you believe in free will or not. I'm not going to dive into that rabbit hole just yet.

[00:30:49] But it's...well I think it's beautiful anyway. And on my good days I wake up feeling inspiration and a thrill. The thrill of waking up not knowing what's going to happen. Not knowing if I'm going to be hurt or angry or sad.

[00:31:22] If something terrible is going to happen or if the answer to my long lived prayers will be there when I open my eyes. Probably somewhere in between like any other day. But you never know, right?

[00:31:40] Today could be the day that fundamentally changes your whole life as you knew it. And it's exciting. It's like waking up in a strange place every morning. And like if you've been on a journey and you've reached the first part of your trip.

[00:32:11] It's a house in a landscape in a country that you've never been. And you've slept your first night in this house and it's morning and you go up and you get acquainted with the house. With its perks and its...well everything about it.

[00:32:37] Like the smells, the sounds, the floorboards make when you walk on them. The light, the furniture, the textiles, the art on the walls. And you have breakfast and maybe you have some breakfast that you like.

[00:32:55] Like breakfast that you're used to but it doesn't taste or smell the same way. The coffee is different but still coffee. You know? And then you open the door and it's still early. And you feel this concentration of the world outside of the house.

[00:33:26] Like smell, sound and what you see is just melted together into one very complex but still crystal clear experience. That is what every new day really should be, shouldn't it? I mean it's up to us really I think to think about it that way.

[00:33:56] So for me this is a very double edged sword. Some days I feel so glad that I'm like this. That I have this talent of breaking free from monotony. And I'm not like, you know, rut.

[00:34:30] But at the same time some days I'm just scared because it's a very strange and foreign feeling to wake up and just don't really recognize yourself in the world. And it's different every morning. Some mornings I don't even feel this.

[00:34:46] Some mornings there is this very positive vibe and I can really indulge myself in this feeling of being new every morning. Mostly if I'm honest it's somewhere in between. I mean I would be a crazy person I think if I kept feeling this so strong every day.

[00:35:17] Some mornings are very positive. I have coffee and I feel that the world is like throwing itself over me. And I'm screaming at it, come take me, come take me away. Like it was a tide just forcefully just pushing me in either direction.

[00:35:38] And those days often start out very well but then they end up like. Because how enthusiastic, it doesn't matter how enthusiastic I feel. The day is still going to be the day like most days like nothing much happens.

[00:35:57] And then I get so disappointed at the end of the day and frustrated and I feel like nothing is worth anything. It's a very, it's a very ups and I have my ups and my downs. To say the least.

[00:36:16] And other days I wake up and I don't recognize anything. And maybe I have, I've had a dream or something which I don't really know. Maybe I've dreamt that I was lost trying to find my way.

[00:36:35] And when I wake up I have this feeling that I'm in a strange room. Of course I don't think that. I recognize the room around me. But it's the feeling that I'm not from here. And then I get scared and this can go either way.

[00:36:59] It can be worsened during the day or it could be something that just fades away as the day progresses. Oh my god I really spaced out in this one didn't I? Okay so you still haven't answered the question. What have you been up to sleepy this week?

[00:37:31] Of course I can't hear you as I've mentioned. So you'll have to manifest your answer in a different way. You could create some sort of a time capsule and just send your message back to me. Okay so now I'm going to do an experiment.

[00:37:54] Okay so I'm going to try. Well I have this fantasy that this English version of my podcast will reach like a big audience. International audience. And so in this scenario I am going to try out if time travels are possible some place or time in the future.

[00:38:29] So if my podcast gets an international audience there is a chance that it will withstand the wheels of time. And maybe someone in the far distant future will come across this episode and listen to this. And get an idea which I'm now going to give to you.

[00:38:58] So I want you to build a time machine and I want you to travel in space and time to find me. Okay so this is my dilemma because I don't want to tell exactly where I live. So you'll have to do some sort of detective work around that.

[00:39:29] But I can tell you that I live in Stockholm, Sweden. Okay so other than that you have to do a bit of a detective work thing.

[00:39:42] But I mean if you are in the future right now you probably have like access to a whole lot of different gadgets that I can't even imagine. So I want you to invent or take your time machine that you have to your disposal.

[00:40:09] Oh god that's a weird word. Take your time machine and travel back in time and space and knock on my door when I say now. Okay so I'm in my studio right now. And my studio is this container in my yard.

[00:40:32] So when I say now you come knock on my door. And if you do then I know that time travel is possible.

[00:40:41] And if you don't well I wouldn't rule time traveling out altogether because it might be the case that podcasts from the 21st century is just not possible to listen to whenever time travel is possible.

[00:41:00] But there's also this possibility that time travel back in time will never be possible. So okay knock on my door in 3, 2, 1. Now I'm going to give you five more seconds.

[00:41:27] I really got excited there for a minute because I thought I heard footsteps on the gravel outside of my studio. And I thought that oh my god what if it happens? What am I going to do? Oh god.

[00:41:56] This is actually very exciting Sleepy because I keep making myself tear up like for no reason. Now my eyes are like tear filled and it's not because I'm scared or glad or sad or anything.

[00:42:13] It's just I get so touched by like experiences that it's like they go beyond me. It's like they don't have anything to do with me really.

[00:42:28] I get to be a part of something bigger than me and I get to be sort of a bystander, an audience to what happens. And I think that's really why I'm doing what I'm doing because at some moments I really forget me and it's a beautiful feeling.

[00:42:49] So now when I just focused on this potential knock on my door from a person from the future, I forgot about Henrik. Oh god I envy you because you can forget about Henrik like 24-7 if you want. Oh can you tell me how it is?

[00:43:18] Can you tell me how it is not to be like consumed by this person that's me like all the time? I mean even if I don't think about myself because of course I think about a lot of stuff. But I mean I do it from my own window.

[00:43:39] I'm in the house of me and I can't get out of the house of me. I can't even go out for a short walk. I'm stuck in here. Tell me how it is to not be stuck in me. I mean it must be so beautiful.

[00:43:56] There's so much freedom outside of me. So many meadows and butterflies and llamas and lavas and labradors and lilacs. And oh god I envy you Sleepy. Of course you have another problem. You're stuck in you. And I don't know of course what type of person you are.

[00:44:34] But I have a feeling that being you, being Sleepy is sort of a paradise. No I don't know I'm kidding. Of course it's almost the same I guess. Same same but different. You are in a way exactly like me. But in another way not at all.

[00:45:09] I want to say thank you for reaching out. So many of you have reached out and told me about yourself. You can still do that. I mean this is so early on in the podcast. There's still so few of you listening using this podcast.

[00:45:30] And I'm so honored to meet all of you. Sometimes when I can't sleep like in the middle of the night I open my phone and I see if I've gotten some comments or a DM or anything.

[00:45:52] And there's always something there from someone in Australia, in India, in England, in the USA, in Germany, in the Netherlands. It's an honor that you wish to be at the same place where my voice is. It's an honor. It's the honor of an honor.

[00:46:21] I do the honor the honors. Today I've been, well I have been sawing. And I'm not used to tools. But I live in a house and this house is next to this very big forest. And we have this huge gathering of birch trees next to our house.

[00:46:58] And as these birch trees are part of a vast forest they tend to reach in over our lawn because they want to catch sunlight. Every morning when I go up, go up, every morning when I go up in the summertime I can see the violence.

[00:47:23] In the summertime I can see the violence, the trees indulging in. We tend to think of trees as very peaceful beings. Like they just stand there and just majestically breathing in and out, drinking sunlight and water. And that's not true.

[00:47:52] I mean of course it's true if a tree is alone and unthreatened.

[00:47:56] But I mean if you look at the trees where I live around our lawn you can see how they are climbing over each other and trying to press each other down to just get this sought after sunlight so badly they want it.

[00:48:13] And the result is that our yard is like covered in birch leaves and the branches are stretching in. We have a cherry tree here and it gets suffocated by the birch trees because they climb in and push down the cherry tree.

[00:48:42] So today I had this telescope pulled, a very long attachment to this saw and I've been sawing off branches. And I'm not used to tools like that. And we also have this, our yard is next to this little mini swamp.

[00:49:08] And right now the swamp is dry, it's drained. Over here we have drained the swamp. Sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't joke about these things. I'm sorry. I can't imagine, I'm talking about the US now.

[00:49:30] I can't imagine what it must be like to, I mean there is so much at stake. I genuinely feel the highest of respect to all of you and what you are about to go through one way or another. Sorry, I'm not going to make this too darn dark.

[00:50:04] So we have a swamp, that's true, and it's drained. But it doesn't have anything to do with politics or whatever you would call an expression like that. So, oh now it's raining. Anyway, so now the swamp won't be drained anymore, it will be filled.

[00:50:24] Well okay, so this swamp is, our yard is like elevated over the swamp. We have like a little wall that keeps our yard elevated over the swamp. So I've been standing on the edge of this wall trying to saw off like very high up birch branches.

[00:50:50] And I'm telling you, it was six meter this telescope pole that I used. And I almost like died falling down into the swamp because I reached out over the swamp with this six meter long pole and trying to saw off branches.

[00:51:13] And I literally cried because it was so hard and it was so heavy and I'm so bad with tools. But I did it. And I have dragged these sawn off branches through the woods, out in the woods somewhere to hide them from plain sight.

[00:51:43] And I feel like when I got back, I felt like this child that's been out on a bike and fallen off and hurt yourself, you know, hurt itself. And comes back and just wants a hug.

[00:52:00] That's how I felt when I got back from the forest because I had been way, I have been in way of my head with this wood chopping thing. And then I was trying to start this project to, well, to get rid of the weed on our driveway.

[00:52:26] No, not weed. What do you call it? Well, yeah, weed. I mean in Sweden we say ogress, which would if directly translated to English would be ungrass. So this is ungrass. Well, it's called weed, right? The things that you don't want, not weed like marijuana, weed weeds.

[00:52:54] Okay, so that's one more thing I need to tattoo on my chest if you write to me the correct term. So I was trying to get rid of it.

[00:53:07] So I was on my knees for like two hours with my hands in the gravel because it's gravel on our driveway. And it's impossible without like seriously advanced tools to get rid of the weed from like this very heavy layer of gravel.

[00:53:27] And I know that, of course, a real man, no, but a real person with green fingers, so to speak, would be able to do this in a flash. But I can't and I feel awful. I'm very good at this, the thing that I'm doing right now.

[00:53:54] But as soon as it comes to building stuff for, I also get this sinking feeling in my chest when I look up and I see that I have accomplished so little in relation to what is necessary, you know, to change the situation of the driveway.

[00:54:16] We have been very sloppy with the driveway because it's, well, almost always we have our car there so we don't see the weed. So we don't think about the problem as long as it's not visible in clear sight.

[00:54:36] But as soon as we move the car, of course, we see all the dandelions and the, what dandelions is it called? Worm roses. We call them in Sweden. It's an awful word. Worm rose. Maskerose. So anyway, so I've been doing that and I won't be doing that again.

[00:55:06] This is the case every summer. I get this manic feeling that I need to do something about our yard because it's quite big, but we don't really need me or Nina. My girlfriend is interested in gardening.

[00:55:26] Sometimes we are and of course we enjoy being in a nice garden from time to time, but we are so very oriented into creative work on stage and in front of a camera or a microphone or a front of a computer.

[00:55:50] So we don't really have place for the creativity in the outside of this bubble.

[00:56:00] So we really shouldn't have a house. We bought a house when our daughter was newborn because I was on parenting leave and I thought it was awful to live in the city center with a small baby.

[00:56:18] Because every time you got out with her in the carrier, you had to pack like you would go on a two weeks hike across the desert or something.

[00:56:37] And you don't need to do that here. You can just open the door and let your baby out, you know, or maybe you need to go with them in the beginning.

[00:56:49] But as she grew, she could just go on adventures and have space around her while when we were in our apartment in Stockholm, the city center in Stockholm, we really didn't have anywhere to be with her except parks and other places where

[00:57:09] there was so many people there. And they, I, well, this is my problem really. I have a problem with places that are crowded, especially when you're in possession of a child that needs like constant attention and keep putting sand and stones and cigarette buds in her mouth.

[00:57:34] When she was in that age and I had to stand and talk with other parents. And there was also a very cold feeling of not really meeting each other, just being polite.

[00:57:52] And I can't stand that. I can't stand being superficially nice. I, but of course I am and I do because I need to, you know, that's what we do in the society.

[00:58:13] We, we make an effort to make it comfortable for everyone involved at least sometimes. Of course, some of the other parents that I met there didn't function that way. They were just move or were not even vaguely interested in that they were someone else at the swings.

[00:58:34] And some parents were talking to the other parents through their child in a very passive aggressive way. So let's imagine that my girl, my daughter was on a swing and then there was this mother with her child behind me.

[00:58:55] And that child also wanted to use the swing. And well, maybe that mother thought that my daughter has been on the swing for too long. Then she would say to her child like, yes, you are going to go on the swing.

[00:59:11] We just have to wait. Since there's another child that has been there quite long now. Don't you agree?

[00:59:20] You know, this shit happened all the time and I got so fed up with it. So I said to Nina that I need to move because I will die here. And that would be very sad. I mean, to die just around this very important, special time of your life.

[00:59:41] And she said, well, of course I'm dramatizing this. I'm joking. But Nina also agreed and she also wanted to leave Stockholm city center. And we bought this house outside of Stockholm.

[00:59:59] But really now when our daughter is almost a teenager, it's very clear to us that none of us really wants to be in the house. We want an apartment. I want a city. I want art. I want restaurants. I want enjoyments.

[01:00:19] I want to be able to go down and buy a milk without being forced to take the car and stuff like that. So in the end here, you were forced to listen to me whining, sleepy. I'm sorry. That wasn't really my intention.

[01:00:38] And now the rain has passed and the swamp is probably still drained. I will as soon as this episode is over, I will go out and I will Google Siegfried and Roy whether or not they are whatever they turn out to be.

[01:01:06] And I will I will look forward to your emails or DMS on any social media about the words that I get wrong and that I need to.

[01:01:18] Toe cart. Is that the name of the thing that you attach to your car when you want to transport something like a piano? Well, tell me reach out and tell me and also just reach out and tell me who you are. I'd love to get to know each and every one of you even more.

[01:01:46] But as for now, I need to go and I will look at the swamp and I will think of you. Good night.